Some Things Just Don't Last. . . .

After my "triumphant" return I have hit another set back. The past 3 days have not gone well for me and after a night of extreme pain and no sleep I have called the Dr again. I was determined NOT to go to the hospital again last night and I didn't but I am not sure how much longer I can feel like this. The Dr has ordered a hi-def CAT scan and a doppler test for me. I am waiting for her call as to when I go. It will either be today or tomorrow. I am feeling a bit defeated today and would love some prayers from those of you that are willing. Hopefully I will have another good update soon - one that is permanent!

I’M BACK!!!

WARNING: This is gonna be long and full of pictures so walk away now or grab a drink and settle in

Well it’s the 1st of Oct now and I think I am going to avoid and hospital visits or ambulance rides this month! I think I am finally on the road to recovery now. I wouldn’t say I feel great yet, but I am starting to feel like ME again. And that in it’s self is a huge step in the right direction!

I saw the actual Dr at the pulmonologist office this past week. She was lovely, a bit disheveled, but a lovely person! I really feel like she listened to me and heard me. I feel like she is really working to make me better. So I have started another, stronger round of steroids – both orally and as an inhaler. I am hungry ALL of the time and have gained 6 pounds already, but if it makes me better I guess I can deal with this.

Now that you all have an update on my health I will share the rest of my story with photos for you . . .

I have started a journal about this whole "journey" I have been on this year, it is called "My Penance for Vanity". This first photo is on the opening page of my new journal. It pretty much sums up what all has been going on.

This is my dinning room - this is where I have been located since August. As you can very well see it is neither comfortable or inspiring! When I had to empty out my studio to remove the offending panels off of my bookcases the stuff had to go somewhere and this is where it all landed!

This is where I communicated from, paid my bills from and did whatever other work I needed to do - this little 3 foot space at the end of the table with a 5 year old, very slow laptop.

After removing the panels from the bookcases on the 23rd (the only part of the room that should have still been outgassing) the problem did not go away as I had hoped. You could still smell the formaldehyde as strong as ever. I was at my wits end and called Gary at work in tears and told him I needed the built in taken out too. Even though we had gone through all of the steps of sealing and painting it to prevent the outgassing I still wanted it gone. And I wanted it gone that night! So after a long day at work on Aug 31st, Gary tore out the last piece of my beautiful new studio. It was a little sad when I walked out to the trash and found it all broken up and sitting on the lawn. For fear of getting the formaldehyde into the rest of the house Gary had the forethought to remove the screens and throw it out the studio window.

The removal of the built in didn't change anything! I was devastated. I had done everything I knew to do. I had contacted everyone I could think of to get help. I had removed all of the new materials, I had bought plants, I had my window open for over a month with a big industrial fan blowing the air out the open window. And still the formaldehyde and it's awful stench remained. So on Sept 15th I got MAD!!! I was mad about everything! I was mad that I felt so bad. I was mad that my house was a wreck. I was mad that no one had any answers for me, and I was mad that my room was still "poisonous" to me! That night when Gary got home I TOLD him (not asked him) that we were going to take charge of this room this weekend. We were going to remove every single thing. We were going to wash all of he walls and ceiling. We were going to wash and sanitize all of the original furniture pieces. And then he was going to repaint the whole room. I had no idea if this would help (and neither did he) but like I told him, I don't like having my butt kicked, but if it's going to happen it's going to happen with me standing on my feet, not laying down! So that night I went to Home Depot and got new paint and some big sheets of sheet metal to put on the backs of my bookcases. I came home that night and started emptying out the cabinets and filling up my living room with the remainder of my things. Friday I had Darwin come over and break down my computer and help me move the rest of the furniture into the garage. Everyone kept telling me to stay out of there and to let someone else do the work. But I was to mad to do that. I was tired of "something I could not see" making me run in fear and feel bad. I was in the mood to fight! And that is what I did.

So Saturday, when Gary would have preferred to be golfing (or laying on the couch, both of us were really sick with a nasty cold on top of everything else) he started washing walls and painting. I really wasn't sure if this was going to help, but I needed to be doing something to change all of this. My hope was that I would seal the formaldehyde in with the paint???
My Mom & I hung out in the garage scrubbing down the furniture and doing some other things while Gary painted. Sunday (when Gary would have preferred to be golfing and watching football) we headed back up to Home Depot for a new light fixture and a few other supplies then came home and cut sheet metal and attached it to the bookcases and hung the new light fixture. Now it was time to put the furniture back in the room. All of my furniture is modular so I decided to reconfigure the whole layout of the room. We got it all in and then Darwin came over to set my computer back up. By now Gary was done - he headed over to Darwin's to watch the game. The room was looking good and surprisingly enough, it smelled pretty good too - it just smelled like fresh paint. But with my new configuration of my furniture it left me without a work space. So Mom and I headed to the store for a new kitchen table. Of course it wouldn't fit in my Honda so I had to interrupt the game and make Gary come get it with the truck.

Just to remind you of what my studio looked like in January when I remodeled it the photo above and below is what it looked like BEFORE.

Here is my newest version of my studio. The layout is totally different and I must say I like it much better. I lost alot of storage and now my master closet is full of all of my photo boxes and scrapbooks, but all of the necessities are here. And that is what's important - right?

I love the addition of the warm wood to all of the black and white. I love that all 4 walls are black now (before I had left one white wall for my Mom). I love having the extra room to work on that the table provides, and I love that it faces the doors instead of facing the wall. And I love the new lights on the wall.

The curtains got a good washing too. I had to throw out my chair cushions because they smelled. So I had to steal 2 throw pillows from Monkey's room for me to sit on until I can get new ones.

It took a few days to get everything loaded back into the room and set up in a usable way but I think it is finally finished. Just tonight we did the last paint touch-ups and hung my big white frame over my desk. (if you look on the bottom shelf in the photo below you can sort of see my journal that I made. Of course it matches the room - still having a problem with vanity I guess?)

I tried so hard in my 1st remodel too get rid of or at least camouflage all of the plastics - sadly that can't happen in this version. But I think I can live with it. I need to figure out some artwork to put over the door so that I have something inspiring to look at while I create.

This is behind my table and has all of my papers in the cabinet, and all of my most used embellishments and tools right there handy. No getting up - I just have to spin around in my chair. This set up really limited my space for all of my treasures that I like to keep out. I picked a few of my favorites and packed up the rest. But it still makes me feel good to see it all up on top of the bookcases.

I really like the look of the sheet metal on my bookcases, but it makes for some crazy reflections when you take pictures of it. This is quite a change from the (stinky) beadboard that I originally had put on the backs. Today I made new labels for all of my containers and I really like how they turned out (I used the new Teresa Collins Cricut cartridge).

Well that is the end of the studio tour. It is not perfect and there is still a slight scent of the formaldehyde still, but it's not too bad and I am hopeful that it will be leaving soon.

While my studio was all tore up and I was going crazy feeling bad and just laying on the couch, I decided I could do a little painting on the family room floor while I watched tv. So that's what I did, I painted 4 of these little wooden desks that I had built for me last year and then I altered them up with the new G-45 papers. I cannot tell you how good it felt to do something creative! And I think they turned out pretty cute too!

This is the inside of the desk and a couple little goodies I made to go with them. Two of these are Christmas gifts for my Granddaughters and I am selling the others.

I had cancelled a couple of my classes because I just felt so bad. My last class was only 3 hours long and I was dead before class was over. But I am feeling recharged and enthusiastic that things are going to be better, so Friday night I came up with this idea. I had so much fun making it and this will be my next class - it is already on the books and the sample is in the store already! I hope I will see some of you at this class on Nov 4th (the day before my birthday)

Once again, I have to say it felt so good to create something! I have been wanting to make a book sculpture similar to this for 2 years now - I finally did it! This book is really solid, you can not close this book or even turn a page!

If you made it this far, I applaud you, I know this was long! But I have been asked so much about an update and I just didn't have anything positive to say - until now that is. In my last post I mentioned that I would post again when I had pictures to share or good news to share. It's that time! I have pictures and good news!

I hope you all have a fantastic week! Thank you to all of you that have been praying for me (don't stop) and that have called and emailed me to wish me well. It has meant the world to me! See ya soon. . .

Well, It’s September Now. . .

August has finally passed and now I see I am starting September off in pretty much the same manor I started August. On Wednesday (Sept 7th) I got another ambulance ride! This time though it was from my house, not from the ER. About 9:30 pm I had 7 paramedics in my bedroom trying to get me breathing well enough to transfer me to the hospital.

Earlier that day I had an appointment for some tests at the Pulmonologist. One of the tests included an inhaler. At first all of this seemed fine, but as I was driving I started feeling disoriented and had a hard time concentrating. My heart was racing and my breathing was strange. But I had a couple of errands I had to do before I went home. By the time I was heading home all I wanted was my bed! And that is exactly where I went when I arrived. That evening when Gary and Mom got home they asked why I was in bed and I told them. I think they are frustrated with all of this as well and just said sorry and left me be. By 8pm I felt as though I was struggling way too hard to breathe and I just tried to relax and control it. By 9:00 I could no longer control it and I also could not yell loud enough for my family to hear me in the rest of the house. I couldn’t get out of bed either. Gary always goes to be by 8:30 and I kept hoping he would come back and find me, but he didn’t. Then I realized that the phone was laying on Gary’s nightstand (it is NEVER there!) so I managed to grab it and use the intercom function to call Gary in the family room. When he finally answered I could not talk but he could hear me gasping and realized it was me in the bedroom (he did not know we had an intercom on the phone till then). He tried to get me up and tried to get my breathing under control but it just didn’t work. By now I was in full body tremors, both my hands had cramped into what looked like lobster claws and my feet were totally cramped and misshapen too. Gary got my Mom to try to help but nothing they did helped and I kept thinking “why aren’t you calling 911” Gary was starting to panic and I finally was able to say I’m going to die here” this made him finally call 911!

I’ll tell you this, paramedics are quick but when you are waiting for one it seems like forever! I had a hard time concentrating and understanding everything they were saying and doing to me that night. But I do know I looked like a human video game again with all of the wires etc hanging from me. My blood pressure was through the roof, something about my heart and its sinus rhythm and my blood sugar was high. I got several doses of nitroglycerin in the ambulance and a couple of IV’s (they are not as gentle or maybe it was just the bumps in the rode as we drove). Once we arrived I had the nicest people helping me! And the big bonus was they all spoke clear English! Another set of chest films were taken and all of the regular blood work and monitoring. Then they made the decision that I needed to start a course of steroids to help me breathe. So I got the fist 2 doses there in my IV and now I am taking pills at home. I am very tired but this morning I actually feel as though I can breathe easier – this is a BIG plus for me. I even managed to finish packing my kits for my Saturday class (with the help of my Mom)

The other news around here is that the room is still full of gas – I can’t go near it and have had no luck in finding any resources for removing the gas. So for now I just have the big fans trying to blow it out the open window and the forest remains. I have a favorite scripture that I try to live by and remember when things are tough . . .
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. Jeremiah 29:11-12.
So today I am trying to rest in these words. I am trying to understand what lesson I am supposed to be learning from all of this. And trying to keep my spirits up and be happy. Hopefully soon I will have a post that is full of fun photos and fun stories to share with you all again. Thank you to all of you that have commented, sent emails, phone calls and hugs.

Till we meet again. . .

I am Ready for August to be over!!!

WARNING: This is Really LONG!

Hello Friends, I am popping in to share with all of you what I have been up to this month. Trust me when I say it has been nothing fun! This August has been one of the most trying months of my life personally and physically. It all started off with a visit to the ER and an overnight hospital stay. I wish I could say that my trip to the hospital "fixed" everything and that I felt better. Just the opposite, I am not sure I can feel any worse. It seems that each day brings it's own new set of problems and symptoms. I guess I should back up a bit for those of you that don't know what has been going on since January. . .

In January I remodeled my studio, I was so excited and it turned out beautifully! I was so happy with it and couldn't wait to start creating in it. It had what I though was that "new smell" but figured it would soon go away. I through myself in there and worked like crazy and had so much fun. By February I was having the strangest headaches. I have had migraines since I was 9 years old, but these were different, and I just couldn't get any relief from them. I hate going to the Dr but they were so bad and so constant that I finally went. They had no idea what they were and decided an MRI was in order. That weekend, I was standing in my shower praying that God wold make them go away or help me to know what they were from. And it came to me - they all started with the remodel of my studio! I got out if the shower, checked my calendar (I write everything in my calendar) and sure enough that is when the headaches started! I called a friend that loves research and we both got online and started researching the new building materials I had used. They were full of FORMALDEHYDE!!! So I headed to the Home depot to see what I could do to seal the offending gas in. I bought the products, emptied out my studio again and the next day Gary sealed the new built in shelving. Whew. . . I am home free I thought! Back to work I went in the studio. I cold still smell that "new smell" some but figured it was from the sealant and the paint. No worries, I had a beautiful space to create in and I had taken the steps to correct the problem and my headaches went away.

Fast forward to May when we shut up the house for the summer and turned the air conditioning on. Now the smell was back even stronger. It was not even just a smell but more like fumes now. I could feel them in my mouth and my chest every time I went in there, but no one else really did. My Daughter, Bryanna said she could smell it but she was the only one. I realized that I had added the same materials to my existing bookshelves when we did the remodel and Gary had not sealed them. But I was busy so I just kept working in there. I had lots of upcoming classes to prep for, a big birthday party that I was making things for and some personal projects I was working on and of course I have the girls everyday. I kept telling myself that when I got all caught up I would tear the studio apart again and get the bookshelves sealed. Then there was 2 trips to California, the birthday party and a couple more classes. The trips and the party added about 3000 photos to edit and so I locked myself in there for about 18 hours trying to get them all edited and uploaded before the 9cent sale at Costco photo was over. The whole time I was in there I could myself getting sicker and sicker but I really thought everything would be okay. Two days later I ended up in the hospital!!! I thought I was having a heart attack! I had been having these chest pains and the shortness of breath for a couple of months but not to this degree. After a battery of tests they decided my heart was fine and that I just needed some Zaniex and sleeping pills!!! I knew this was NOT a panic attack or anxiety related, there was something wrong with me and I knew it was from my studio. I made an appointment with my regular Dr, but first I did more research on formaldehyde and typed up some of the info and a document with a timeline and all of my symptoms etc since the studio was remodeled. She was very happy that I had done this for her an I love this Dr - she is able to admit when she doesn't know something. She told me she didn't know much about formaldehyde but wanted to keep the papers I had typed up for her and gave me a referral to a pulmonalogist. She also instructed me to tear EVERYTHING out of my studio that added during the remodel and dispose of it and to stay out of the room!

Meanwhile, I ordered a formaldehyde tester for the room and am waiting on the results from that test. Bryanna came and emptied my studio of all of it's treasures, Gary got the backs off of the bookcases and disposed of them, the room has been sealed off from the house and the windows have been kept open to allow the offending gasses to escape. and I have still felt like crap! There are some days that are better than others but I certainly never feel "well" any more. The headaches are back and my chest still hurts. And now I even have this strange new cough that lasts for about 10 minutes at a time - it is more like a bark - it is nasty!!! My house is all tore up with all of my treasures everywhere. I am working on an ancient laptop in a 2 foot area on my crowded dining room table. I am able to be online and to do Word docs on this computer and that is about all. I have done LOTS of research on formaldehyde these past couple of weeks and it is NASTY STUFF!!! It seems I unwittingly built my own little "FEMA trailor" in my studio. Part of my research brought me to a paper that NASA wrote about plants absorbing the formaldehyde out the air and out of a room. So Sunday I took my list from NASA to the Home Depot and bought myself a forest! My studio is now full of plants recommended by NASA to help clean all of this up.

It has been a very frustrating month for me and sadly I am not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday was an especially hard day. I could not sleep at all the night before because my chest hurt so bad and I just couldn't breathe. When I finally came out of my room I was just a mess and could not face my day with my Grandchildren. I went out on the patio and started to pray and just ended up sobbing. I am just so tired, feel so bad and just at my rope's end. Mom took the girls to their house and I stayed home making phone calls to Drs, clinics and poison control. I also made a teary phone call to Gary at work telling him I wanted the big built in (the sealed one that I was hoping to save) torn out TODAY!!!! Over a week of sealing the the room off from the rest of the house, removing the unsealed products from the room and a couple of days with a forest and the room is still as full of the damned formaldehyde gas as ever!!!! I was done yesterday - I wanted it all out of there and seems all I could do was sit and cry. I have no strength or energy to do anything, I can't be in that room without being even sicker so I have to rely on others to do things for me (totally NOT my style). Gary was a good hubby and came home early yesterday and tore apart my beautiful studio and in order to keep it out of the rest of the house, threw it all out the window and is hauling it all away today. Then he just sat on the couch with me all night watching tv shows that I like (that is really something) and playing backgammon with me. There was no dinner last night - just a pop tart as I just couldn't do it.

Today I opened the door of my studio to see what it looked like in there now - wow - what a mess! It is just so sad to see all of my dreams for a beautiful room to create in all turned to rubble! But the worse part is that all of the building materials have now been removed, the window was open all day and night, there is a huge forest of plants in there and yet still the gas is so over-powering! I do not know what the answer is. I do not know how long all of this is going to take to clean up. I do not know what the long-term effects are going to be on my health. I just don't know.

I have added some links on Formaldehyde here for you all in case you are curious about it and what products it is in. Sadly it is in just about everything! Not just in our building materials but in our cosmetics, clothing and day to day things we all use. There is no way to completely avoid this chemical and it is listed under several different names. How many of these names would you have recognized as formaldehyde?

Formalin, Methanal, Methyl Aldehyde, Methylene Oxide, Oxymethylene, Bfv*, Fannoform*, Formol*, Fyde*, Karsan*, Methaldehyde, Formalith*, Methylene Glycol, Ivalon*, Oxomethane, Formalin 40, Formalin, Formic Aldehyde, Hoch, Paraform, Lysoform*, Morbocid, Trioxane, Polyoxmethylene, * denotes trade name.

You might want to check some of the items in your house for these.

Formaldehyde Links:

Public Health Statement for Formaldehyde

Formaldehyde Safety Factsheet

Formaldehyde Test Kit

Plants Soak Up Indoor Pollution

NASA Study House Plants Clean Air

The Cutest Kids Ever!!!!

Just had to share! Have a great day

I'm Back with more Pictures

I just thought I'd share with you the daily collages I made for my travel journal. I take ALOT of pictures when I travel and I could never have a journal big enough to hold them all. So I like to do a daily collage that reflects the things I wrote about each night on my trip. so here they are. . .

I will try to get some pictures of my finished journal this week to post so I can show you how it looks all put together.

Have a great day!

I Just Can't Stay Home. . .

That's right seems I can't sleep in my own bed these days. Last night I spent at Arrowhead Hospital!

This is me when I got home today. Yesterday I thought I was having a heart attack and Gary took me to the emergency room by our house. Two hours late I was in an abulance being transported to a hospital! After some tests and such they determined no heart attack. Not sure what it was so I will be going to a new dr next week. Still not feeling great but I am home. Always something exciting going on! Have a great weekend - I will check in soon